Someone shit on the floor
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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