Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Randomize
