its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Randomize
