Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
