at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
