seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
