there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
