you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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