i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Let's get the cat blown out
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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