We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
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