I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
