Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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