Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
