also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
