great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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