so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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