shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I came so hard my ears popped.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
