just come out here and I will go home with you...
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just high enough for therapy.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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