yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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