Can i not drive my cunt home
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
