I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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