no, he came in my armpit
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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