Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
my shit smells like andre
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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