He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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