got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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