highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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