How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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