I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
