Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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