Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry phillyfaker hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(847): View more from Illinois

just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.

Fav 19 6388 2064
share tweet
(732): View more from New Jersey

You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.

Fav 23 3479 842
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(914): View more from New York

End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.

Fav 75 6826 1540
share tweet
(416): View more from Toronto

He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers

Fav 15 5220 1697
share tweet
(519): View more from Ontario

You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up

Fav 10 2912 1551
share tweet
(814): View more from Pennsylvania

you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.

Fav 19 6830 1404
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(607): View more from New York

I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now

(315): View more from New York

I see you're taking unemployment seriously.

Fav 3 2496 897
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(815): View more from Illinois

Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.

Fav 0 184 112
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(906): View more from Michigan

I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer

Fav 0 29 9
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT