she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
