I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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