Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
