im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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