Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
