i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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