Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
