My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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