peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
