Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
