So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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