How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
