so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize