i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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