I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
