yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
