apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Randomize
