why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
