How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
