Me too!
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize