I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
