She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
