We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
