Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize