I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
