idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You pole danced in your parka.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
