Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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