it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
