Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
This baby is an asshole
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
