Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
