So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
