My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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