why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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