So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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