i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize