So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
