i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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