He kissed a someone with a penis
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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