hotel room ftw
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
