you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
