He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
