don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I touched a dick in church today
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
