Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
