Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
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